Sometimes

I have this constant internal struggle and I can't get rid of it.

My life has been full of incredible people and perfect moments and unperfect moments. And when I allow myself to look back on my growing up years in Arkansas my heart breaks. And when I allow myself to think about my senior year in China, my heart breaks. And when I allow myself to look back on my time in college so far, my heart breaks. And it is because I know I can't have any of these moments back. I can't sneak out and watch as one of my dearest friend paints the town with words. I can't experience the magic of snow days. I can't climb skyscrapers in China. I can't walk the streets of Shekou like they are mine with my friends from around the world that were all thrown together in a tiny international school. I can't relive my experiences in Spain. I can't live with and around incredible people my age forever. I can't go to school forever. And I can't live any of my days here at college over again.
And as lucky as I am to have these experiences, it's weird that my life keeps changing so quickly. And my struggle is that the change is good and necessary to "growing up", whatever that means.
And I know that if I didn't have this change I wouldn't appreciate the past and present as much as I do. I'm just learning to handle the daily heartbreak. Because everyday I'm amazed at how lucky I am. And sometimes I'm afraid it's all downhill from here.

Photo in Bentonville's town square fountain. And yes, behind us is a confederate soldier statue that reads "To the southern soldiers." I love my hometown. And how we lived in a novel.

And again

So here I find myself in my sixth semester here at college. (That freaks me out a little, ok a lot)

And I'm diving into another winter of trying not to slip on the ice and bracing myself for the cold every time I step outside. But I'm trying to focus on the things that warm my life. Like my wonderful job, my hilarious family, classes I'm excited about, working more closely with The Ballard Center, and of course my friends.

Here in the Pent we started the semester off with a girls night out.

Oh, and the mountains tend to take my breath away in winter. I often find myself on my couch just staring at this:

There is a privacy about it which no other season gives you.... In spring, summer and fall people sort of have an open season on each other; only in the winter, in the country, can you have longer, quiet stretches when you can savor belonging to yourself. 

 ~Ruth Stout

Down in Africa

I am overdue in posting about my adventures in Namibia. Since my return I've had a hardcore case of jetlag and school/work aren't helping. So I've spent my free time catching up on sleep. 

Anywho, my Christmas break was incredible. Seriously, I can't even describe how awesome it was and how much fun I had. It was relaxing and took my breath away all at the same time. We road-tripped around Namibia and visited the beach, sand dunes, a Himba tribe, and went on a safari. So here's a glimpse into paradise:

 I sand boarded down dunes, 4-wheeled around dunes, saw incredible animals, and watched cheetahs hunt and kill an animal and then eat it...all while standing right next to them. I got to spend time with my incredible family and celebrate the holidays in a country rich with beauty and full of life.  

It was rejuvenating, thrilling, crazy, and amazing. I could use more adjectives to describe it, but I'll cut it short. 

But hey, now I can say I bested the rains down in Africa! (yes, I listened to the song multiple times while there. I couldn't resist.)