I have this constant internal struggle and I can't get rid of it.
My life has been full of incredible people and perfect moments and unperfect moments. And when I allow myself to look back on my growing up years in Arkansas my heart breaks. And when I allow myself to think about my senior year in China, my heart breaks. And when I allow myself to look back on my time in college so far, my heart breaks. And it is because I know I can't have any of these moments back. I can't sneak out and watch as one of my dearest friend paints the town with words. I can't experience the magic of snow days. I can't climb skyscrapers in China. I can't walk the streets of Shekou like they are mine with my friends from around the world that were all thrown together in a tiny international school. I can't relive my experiences in Spain. I can't live with and around incredible people my age forever. I can't go to school forever. And I can't live any of my days here at college over again.
And as lucky as I am to have these experiences, it's weird that my life keeps changing so quickly. And my struggle is that the change is good and necessary to "growing up", whatever that means.
And I know that if I didn't have this change I wouldn't appreciate the past and present as much as I do. I'm just learning to handle the daily heartbreak. Because everyday I'm amazed at how lucky I am. And sometimes I'm afraid it's all downhill from here.
My life has been full of incredible people and perfect moments and unperfect moments. And when I allow myself to look back on my growing up years in Arkansas my heart breaks. And when I allow myself to think about my senior year in China, my heart breaks. And when I allow myself to look back on my time in college so far, my heart breaks. And it is because I know I can't have any of these moments back. I can't sneak out and watch as one of my dearest friend paints the town with words. I can't experience the magic of snow days. I can't climb skyscrapers in China. I can't walk the streets of Shekou like they are mine with my friends from around the world that were all thrown together in a tiny international school. I can't relive my experiences in Spain. I can't live with and around incredible people my age forever. I can't go to school forever. And I can't live any of my days here at college over again.
And as lucky as I am to have these experiences, it's weird that my life keeps changing so quickly. And my struggle is that the change is good and necessary to "growing up", whatever that means.
And I know that if I didn't have this change I wouldn't appreciate the past and present as much as I do. I'm just learning to handle the daily heartbreak. Because everyday I'm amazed at how lucky I am. And sometimes I'm afraid it's all downhill from here.
Photo in Bentonville's town square fountain. And yes, behind us is a confederate soldier statue that reads "To the southern soldiers." I love my hometown. And how we lived in a novel.
It's funny, but I was thinking about the same thing today. Exactly the same thing. We've had a good life haven't we?
ReplyDeleteIt's so true, we really have.
ReplyDelete